The Finished Masters

2009-05-24T16:45:00.000-07:00

Well, this blog did its thing. I am complete now. This blog is finished, ended, kaput. The Unfinished Masters is no more.

As proof I submit the world's goofiest graduation photo, captured by husband Peter just in time, crossing many red velvet lines, breaking all rules to bring this to you. I had only 2 seconds to stand.

Thanks to all my readers for their support. I could not have done this without you. When I start my next blog, I'll let you know.

See linked image below for complete set of photos:

graduation 2009 photos

Keep in touch.

cheers, rani

Graduating - May 19

2009-04-29T12:36:00.000-07:00

Well, it's done.

After speaking with my adviser today, she approved my last and final course (Programming II equivalency) and is submitting final paperwork for graduation.

I'm graduating. May 19.

It hasn't really sunk in yet -- I don't quite know what to do with myself.

So dear readers, my final post will be after May 19th with photos of said graduation ceremony. And then it will be goodbye, for this blog has fulfilled it's role.

MA Thesis and Project - accepted!!!

2009-04-07T10:14:00.000-07:00

Can you believe it? I'm done with the MA thesis and project! I just want to cry.

My adviser complimented on my work and asked permission to share my MA project with other students as a model project! Wow, I can't believe it?

I'm so happy.

Draft 2 (final?) - submitted

2009-04-06T10:15:00.000-07:00

Quick note - revisions to MA paper submitted last night. Hopefully this will be the final draft. Now to focus on Java certification. Deadline is April 30.

Feedback - Draft 1

2009-04-02T16:48:00.000-07:00

Well, the initial feedback from draft 1 arrived in my inbox yesterday. She "really liked" the paper (whew!), but can't open the flash files I sent. I rushed to meet a deadline and didn't have time to convert to an earlier more compatible format. Then she ended up being out for a week :-} There were of course, some very valid questions on sections of my argument/thesis, and other minor edits. Overall - a day's or so of work.

What I'm really curious about is how she will react the actual 'games' once she's able to play them. Waiting for the other shoe to drop, I keep thinking she'll take it all back and say "it's not good enough."

I'm having a hard time believing that this paper/project is worthy because it really didn't turn out like I wanted or expected. But I know that I had to do it the way I did it to get it out of my system. This particular design is something that I had to try. And now I have a better understanding of the limitations of content and form. I have a better understanding of why I struggled with this so. Even though intellectually I thought I understood what makes a better instructional design, the old teacher-centric models on how it ought to be done keep seeping back in. Conditioning and retraining of the mind are not so easily done. Not so easy to change the way you think; not so easy to change your metaphors.

Marmalade, Jam & Java

2009-03-25T21:27:00.000-07:00

As I wait for feedback on my first draft, I've been busy knocking a few things off my list that have been hanging around for a while.

image courtesy SimplyRecipes
For instance, the 2 dozen+ Seville oranges I bought back in late January, early February. Well, the contractors for some crazy reason, decided to eat 3 -- and realized that they were bitter and sour (HELLO!). Then, byyesterday, 3 had rotted. So that left about 18-20. Made the first batch and wow - are they sour or what! It's marmalade alright. Pete should like it. Next batch I'll adjust for my sweeter tastes -- less rind, more sugar. Yum!

It's also the beginning of strawberry season in California. There was someone selling half-dozen pints by the side of the road, so a friend and I split them. About a 1/3 were perfectly ripe and delicious for eating (shared with the contractors, they liked.) The rest were a little tart - perfect for jam. So I made a quickie strawberry jam. Didn't quite set right -- fruit to sugar ratio was probably off -- and wowser -- so sweet. Will adjust down. Maybe I should try a strawberry orange mix...will let you know.

7 jars of marmalade so far, 7 jars of strawberry jam.

And Java -- as in the programming language. Restarted my studying and realized I would just die if I had to do another moment of the online course -- so incredibly tedious and boring. It puts me to sleep with 20 minutes. Better than Ambien. So I bought a recommended book and will slam through that -- just need to get this certification done in 2-3 weeks or so.

Hmmmm...what else can I make into a jam?

Draft 1 - sent!!

2009-03-23T21:20:00.000-07:00

Whew! Tired.

First draft of paper and first draft of games sent for review. This was huge for me. Next up Java certification and revisions. Recommendation for graduation has to be handed in April 30.

Celebrate with me.

In the midst of it

2009-03-15T10:27:00.001-07:00

Just a quick note this week as I'm in the midst of writing the MA thesis. The programming on my project is at a good point -- it still needs 2-3 days more work. I'm hoping to complete the writing portion by March 17th -- slightly behind schedule -- and the entire project by end of this upcoming week.

The writing process

The writing is going well, I can get about 6-7 good hours of writing in per day. I'm not a fast writer and I tend to write once, revise modestly as the real work is in organizing the thoughts. I've become familiar with this process having written many essays over the past few years: re-read my key articles, take notes and quotes, re-read a few past essays - pull out relevant quotes -- that takes about a day. Then I start writing after puttering and forcing myself to sit. Take break, putter, sit. On and on. Occasionally take breaks to detail the shower, do yoga, or get some food shopping done (and yes, get distracted by a Netflix movie maybe ONCE).

What interesting about my process now is how much less anxiety I have around doing the writing, which I had even last spring. I let go of something - my job, expectations I had for myself, who knows. All that matters now is that I can see the end and a new future beyond it.

Back to it.

Haikus: Green Dot & DukeCE

2009-03-06T10:37:00.000-08:00

Often when I work on essays and programming, poetry emerges spontaneously. Today in celebration of a programming victory I write this haiku:

Green Dot Haiku:

the green dot is freed
possibilities abound
to become all things

Getting a green dot to move between 2 black boxes seems like such a trivial thing when I write it out. What is not seen is the work in understanding the architecture of the language, getting the grammar just right, to do what you imagine is possible. Once I was able to write the lines of code that did this one simple thing, all things become possible now. I have emerged victorious.

An older haiku for DukeCE:

Duke CE the dream
we had once big ideas
changing others, changed me

Onwards.

Climbing the Mountain

2009-03-03T13:11:00.000-08:00

When you have what seems to be an insurmountable task, how do you begin? How do you begin to climb the mountain? You've been looking at, dreaming about the mountain for weeks and it keeps getting bigger everyday.

"Bird by bird" as hickcity said. But what if you don't even know what the "bird" is in your mountain? How do you break it down?

Halfway up this mountain and I'm still not sure how I got here.

Something like this: Game by game. Interaction by interaction.

p.s. Yes that is me doing indoor rock climbing. Hand over hand, don't look down.

Trudgery

2009-02-28T18:31:00.000-08:00

Trudgery is not a word but it should be. Trudge is a verb meaning slow, laborious walking. Drudgery is noun meaning hard, menial work. I'm at the trudgery part of the Masters: doing slow laborious work that is often hard, mostly tedious...and occasionally satisfying.

Next deadline of March 15 is coming up -- first draft of project and paper due. There's even a chance I'll get there. Every once in a while though, my brain just stops working, like earlier today. Now I'm back at it. Such is my Saturday night. This reclusive life is getting to me.

Onwards!

Reflections on my own Learning

2009-02-21T12:04:00.000-08:00

In the past few weeks, I've been on a steep learning curve for Flash & AS3. I've modified and reused a couple of games, and took days to figure out the main interface; still have to figure out how all these components communicate with each other. All the while still on track towards Java certification.

Coming up for air recently, I had a few observations.

The learning process is non-linear. Yes, maybe it would have been more efficient to pick up ONE book and go through it step-by-step. Yes, perhaps I should have learned Flash before diving into ActionScript 3 -- but I didn't. For whatever reason, I choose to start with AS3 (because I knew some Java and wanted to do something cool and didn't want to mess with animation techniques) and then went back and learned Flash. Learning Flash then felt relevant and it went very fast.
Learning is ad hoc. This goes with the non-linear. Ad hoc is often used to mean improvised and impromptu. However, I like the alternate dictionary definition: "concerned or dealing with a specific subject, purpose, or end." I learn what I need when I need it, and by googling specific phrases, searching through my books, or trying it multiple ways until it works -- somehow I find the answer -- or decide to do something different.
Learning is appreciative & problem-based. I learn when I'm trying to solve a particular problem. Problem: How do I get this thing to work right? Appreciative Inquiry: How do I do it better? Is this the best mechanic to use?
Learning needs multiple examples. This to me is *the* most important point. By using multiple examples, multiple analogies, multiple tools can I formulate a solution. I learn primarily by example then an understanding why those examples work. Through examples I can create my own models and my own theories on particular subjects. Through the use of salient examples (bringing out key points), I can improve my ability to learn quicker.

Providing multiple salient examples allows learners to understand what is important and allows learners to create their own mental models. Then perhaps, in contrasting those models with an experts point-of-view we learn more. We have to engage with the material, provide elaborations and understandings that are relevant to us.

How does one create the design of learning space to reflect this?

It's a conflict, no? We're suppose to teach a specific thing, a specific model. Everyone must have the same picture in their heads (industrial view of learning). How do we accommodate their background, their experience as adults? Experiences that often ameliorate understandings of what is taught? Perhaps what we need to teach is creating a common language around a set of experiences from which we build our models. Then use theories and expert models to push the boundaries of the problem space, to imagine something different.

Here's the rub -- it takes time to learn in this way -- more time than is usually allotted. I'm learning by doing, learning by example, and learning deeply. And it's slow going. But in this case, I'm not just learning, I'm changing how I think of myself in relation to my work. Reconfiguring those brain cells is hard work. Not quite there yet -- wish me speed so I can make my self-imposed deadline of graduating in May 2009.

Passion in Learning: to be more fully human

2009-02-13T18:44:00.000-08:00

When I wrote about Emotion and Designing Learning I was examining the idea proposed by Carmen Taran that instructional designers need to have chemistry with their content -- which I interpreted as passion for the content. This post received many comments - and V. Yonkers proposed the idea that people needed curiousity about what they were designing -- but not neccessarily passion. As I continue on my quest to design a game around accounting, I am agreeing with her more and more. Good instructional design requires curiousity, it requires our intellectual and emotional attention, it requires a passion for the design process as Jason W. pointed out, and identifying with a project as Mike B points out.

Still I couldn't let go of the idea of passion. And then I came across an article with this quote:

To be motivated, to have passion, is not merely to be working toward pre-determined goals, but to be swept away by the power of an idea or the drama inherent in all educative, transformative events.
Beyond Control and Rationality: Dewey, Aesthetics, Motivation, and Educative Experiences by David Wong

It made my heart sing! To incite passion in the learning, to remember that education can mean having fun, being in the flow. To be swept away by an idea -- haven't we all had this at some point in our lives?

South of Big Sur, CA, USA (Dec 2006)

Now back down to earth -- in our everyday working lives, in the world of constraints, we can't always have this. But we can aspire to this in our work, everyday. As David Wong continues to say in his article -- "to teach is to inspire." Yes it's a cliche, and it's true. If we as instructional designers cannot try to inspire with what we design, then why do we do the work we do?

Educators, at their best, create experiences in which students can feel more fully alive, more fully human. Perhaps, it is hard to imagine that learning can be so moving. Our darkest, most weary cynicism dismisses this vision of education as idealistic, romanticized, and too difficult to achieve. However, in the end the truth is this: we only wish our learning could be so compelling.
Beyond Control and Rationality

To be more fully human: to make a connection through words, images, sounds to another person's mind. To have them leap with you. "Whether the learner is engaged in reading a story, watching a film, or conducting scientific inquiry, anticipation is what moves us to the edge of our seat so that we may see better and be better prepared for what we might see." This is instructional design should aspire to: to have others anticipate what's coming next and anticipate what they are thinking, feeling and imagining -- and perhaps take them to places they never imagined.

Yes, I'm a dreamer.

Thank you E. David Wong.

For Further Reading:

Beyond Control and Rationality: Dewey, Aesthetics, Motivation, and Educative Experiences by David Wong (Teachers College Record Volume 109 Number 1, 2007, p. 192-220 http://www.tcrecord.org ID Number: 12740, Date Accessed: 1/27/2009 12:23:26 PM)
The Nature and Design of Compelling Experiences - reading list by David Wong

The Human Moment: Fidelity

2009-02-04T23:14:00.000-08:00

This post is dedicated to Schon B - who inspired me with the article and human moments of her own when I most needed them.

Recently I re-read an article called the "The Human Moment at Work" by Edward M. Hallowell (HBR.) The gist of the article is that physical presence and attention constitutes the human moment, and we are losing human moments as we are increasingly using technology to mediate interactions in the workplace. This results in misunderstandings, loss of morale through increased alienation and isolation, and increased anxiety. Hallowell also notes that he realizes that misunderstandings can happen regardless, but they happen more often through technology. He cites brain chemistry research underlying the human moment -- remember those studies about how when babies aren't cuddled as infants they become messed up? Yup, that brain chemistry. We actually need other people in our lives to keep us healthy. Ok - I buy it.

This concept was first brought up to me in the context of Second Life (SL) and how SL would never be as good as Real Life (RL). At the time, I never imagined that any tech would replace the human interactions. I think we need the human moments -- especially in the workplace -- to ground us.

In thinking about the human moment one word came up for me -- fidelity. Even though I don't think technology will ever replace face-to-face or brain-to-brain interactions, I do think it can become less attenuated the higher the fidelity of the technology. (Oiy, be careful of those double negatives.)

What do I mean by fidelity? The quality of the sounds, the quality of the writing, the effectiveness of the design -- all of these things add to fidelity. Way back, in 1996, when I was first introduced to all this tech stuff, I remember interface design being defined as "mind meets computer." I realize now that is false. It's "mind meets mind." For what is the computer and its interfaces but the design of one human for another. The design/writing/quality allows another to enter your mind. How well those minds meet is the fidelity of the conversation. (Have we not been moved by a beautiful, clear sound? by a poem that is never fogotten? by a design that meets and surprises us?)

And then I came across this small 3 min radio piece on NPR: "Reading creates simulations in the mind." The gist: language is a powerful form of virtual reality; when we read we create simulations in the mind as if we were actually doing that thing that is described; we can control what happens in other people's brains with our words. What controls the fidelity of those "simulations in the mind"? How are they different or similar to what happens in the "human moment"?

Somewhere I had read, perhaps in the book The Body Has a Mind of Its Own, that when we observe or think about something, as opposed to actually doing it, the simulations are there in our mirror neurons, but not with as much strength as if we were doing it ourselves. "Mirror neurons map the actions, intentions and emotions of others directly into your own system of body maps, creating as close to a telepathic link as the known laws of nature allow. They allow you to understand and empathize with the minds of others, not through conceptual reasoning, but through direct simulation via your own body maps."

The human moment --> language as virtual reality --> mirror neurons: is it not possible to create better human-lite moments through technology? Is it not possible to imagine yourself in another's mind -- whether that is mediated through film, radio, or online interactions? It may not have all the chemistry of the human moment, but it will have a fidelity all of its own.

*Image courtesy of Janis Cromer as posted on Daily Kos

Deadline 2 and revisions to concept

2009-01-27T15:57:00.000-08:00

Well, here we go! My adviser is submitting the forms for graduation this week (thanks SL), fees have been paid and now it's just code, code, code and write until it is done. Simple, eh?

I revised my proposal fleshing out the details of the game flow and pedagogy behind the game elements. The proposal forms the basis of the paper, the concept map forms the basis of the code. I include some of the visual elements for your viewing pleasure. (Did I mention, that I LOVE Woordle - it's how I got the word map above.)

Concept map:

A few observations -- the game that I want to create is complex. If I can get the basic framework,, some of the aesthetic elements, and one version of each type pedaogical element (mini-game, mini-case, etc.) then I'm golden. Wish me luck!

Learning Design (Training Design? eTech Design?)

2009-01-17T21:51:00.000-08:00

Recently while catching up on my blogreader, I came across Tony Karrer's post on Training Design: eLearning Technology writing about how his training design has been changing over the years. It got me thinking about this Masters project and how I have been trying to come up with a instructional design process that made sense to me. Design to me is like a tag cloud, intially more of an intuitive process that gets refined over time.

Maybe you start with learners, topic, technology (the design challenge) and each of those words has metadata assoicated with it: tags. These tags bring up other concepts/words -- yes just like using del.ic.io.us. From this it is a winnowing/refining process... anyways...i was quite fuzzy in my post on his blog (actually am still fuzzy.) As you move through the metadata you make a path, a schema. From there emerges your personal design process -- maybe you can abstract into a model at this point. I've since refined my thinking a little and came up with this picture -- that currently makes sense to me. See below:

All I'm really trying to communicate is that perhaps we think too linearly about a process that is essentially non-linear -- given all the new web 2.0 technologies that are out there -- we scan, skim, and pop! through data, and sometimes we dive. Are our design processes any different?

Deadline 1 - done!

2009-01-14T21:14:00.000-08:00

Well, one week late, but I got the proposal out the door. Yeah! Hopefully my adviser will respond soon (she is on vacation in the Caribbean.)

From Dec'08 - Deserts

Unlike the first 2 drafts I wrote, the final one felt doable, especially as a proof of concept. The best thing about it, whatever I finish I feel I could use on the job market -- and that feels good. Also feel like the design is something that can grow over time and be used for different disciplines. I like that.

Now onto the next 3 things - will try to get something in so I can attend the Games Developer Conference in March (thanks for the suggestion Carla); will reshape a paper I wrote last spring -- which upon second reading is pretty good -- as a thought paper for potential employers (such as DukeCE); and yes, need to finish Module 5 of the Java course -- truly one the most tedious e-learning experiences of my life.

Onwards!

Learning: Demystify & Non-linear

2009-01-13T03:05:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it takes a while to remember the why of what you do -- sometimes that happens in the middle of the night.

Many years ago, 1996 to be more exact, I was in a program called InfoTech at Capliano College. It was a 10 month intensive multimedia program -- it was one of the best learning experiences of my life. Before that I knew almost nothing about computers or the Internet. That program launched my web design career, gave me the skills to find work in the States (was living in Canada at the time), and it was also one of the most creative periods of my life.

Back then I started many designs, most of which I never had time to finish. Those are coming back to me now (the files do exist, somewhere in storage...)

At the time I was very much interested in the non-linearity of learning and in demystifying bodies of knowledge. That desire to demystify started my current interest in accounting and finance (aka money). There was an interface design I did back then to demystify the words on the back of a chocolate bar wrapper* that I called the "Wall of Words" -- a beautiful, neon-like, glowing list of food additives (how I loved Photoshop back in the day) that you could click on to find out more about what was in your chocolate bar. Simple concept, beautifully executed. What I also liked about this design was the way you could access knowledge - in a non-linear way. It reminds me of how one learns a new domain knowledge -- it's usually not in a sequential manner laid out in text books - -it's more haphazard. It also reminds me a tag cloud.

Having written the second draft of my proposal I will revise one more time. This is my way in. I realize now that it's not the mechanic I've been looking for but the visceral experience of being overwhelmed when faced with learning a new thing; and the frustration and pleasure of discovering one's own way through the wall. To demystify a domain in a non-linear way. This is a experience that I can play with in many different ways.

I can sleep now.

*this was part of a larger project to demystify chocolate and understand the complexities of making this divine food.

First deadline for the new year

2009-01-07T17:54:00.000-08:00

Well my first deadline for the new year has arrived. I am halfway through my proposal and I'm stuck at the place I always get stuck at -- the mechanic of the game. I know the pedagogy, I've got the research about what else is out there and a good description of the content what I'm doing - but haven't hit on a game mechanic that feels good.

The mechanic, at least how I define it, is the thing that defines the play. In a game, you have a set of rules, but the mechanic is the how of the game. Is it a first person shooter game? Is it a card game? What moves the game forward -- the turning over of cards say in Crazy 8, or the dealing of cards. The mechanic and rules can merge into one another but usually there is the "thing" of the game -- is it board game and are you using dice, player pieces, etc in a certain manner. That kind of thing.

What mechanic works best for what I'm doing?

Once again, I think I'm asking the wrong question. It's too open-ended. I can't just design anything because I do not have the programming skills -- so what I need to do is set constraints. I need to find a mechanic that I can do and adapt it to the game. This is I have tried to do, but I think I've been too dismissive of the mechanics. So I go back to mechanics to see if I can redesign one that works.

I want to get this done by Friday noon. I'll let you know how that goes. It's close.

On other fronts - got my bio to my former employer this week, just as they started their layoffs. 25% of the workforce is getting laid off -- for a company of 130, that's huge. Breaks my heart to see old friends, people I've known for years who have given a lot to this company, being let go. Ouch.

Started my Java course with my friend Carla who visited here this week. That looks completely doable so far. cheers, rani

Moving Forward

2008-12-18T10:11:00.000-08:00

Today I had a good, albeit brief, conversation with my adviser. We agreed that it is possible for me to graduate by May 2009. In order to do that I need to:

Complete a 1 page project proposal to her by Jan. 7 (she said 31st but I'm aiming for earlier)
Apply for graduation by Feb 1
Draft by mid-March '09
Complete project & paper by April 15 '09
Java certification equivalency by April 15

The basic outline of the paper/proposal should state:

What's the need
What's currently out there
Why is this different
Why this design
What is the pedagogy behind it
How does this lead to the design principles

The above 6 points is pretty much exactly what I did for every game design class. She just made it sound so doable.

<exhale> How I've missed bullet points and deadlines!

Real Constraints and random thoughts

2008-12-10T12:11:00.000-08:00

Real constraints - So ironic that I wrote about constraints yesterday. As it turns out, Columbia rescinded my email account which means that I cannot register for graduation. So I'm now in the process of getting that reinstated. Apparently there is a deadline! Hola!

I'm also having a conversation with my adviser next week -- so I better have something tangible to talk to her about.

Random thoughts about technology for learning
In thinking about using technology for learning, I think we often conflate the ways technology can be used. As communication productivity tools, technologies make communications quicker, & more efficacious. For example: webconferencing, or using Adobe Connect or Centra for lectures/information sharing; wikis for collaborative project management; blogs for one to many sharing; researching a topic or sharing tags with del.ico.us or diigo.

Technology as content - using Second Life to learn about SL or using programming to design games. Using online blogs, sites, etc. to learn about specific technical skills.

Technology as enabling learning - using technology to learn content more deeply - using games to learning financial systems; using modular online video to examine sections of content; using online cases (stories) to understand complex problems.

Technology as identity - this is perhaps the most difficult category to describe. Many people call this technology as social networking tool, but i think it is more than that. It is what Sherri Turkle calls the virtual identity, virtual leash or umbicial cord. It is life-on-line. It is how you feel about your avatar in SL or WoW or even Habbo Hotel. It is your Facebook profile, your LinkedIn status, your blog identity. It's about the care and feeding of the virtual self. This is the different roles you play in your virtual worlds. It is even you email persona. It's that other you. (That's why MikeB, one asks the oracle Google to divine your future for your virtual self.)

Random thoughts about the war(s) - The 3 trillion dollar war - by cash flow accounting - I heard an interview recently on NPR by the author of the 3 trillion dollar war. Did you know the government is using CASH based accounting *not* ACCRUAL based accounting to track the costs of the war.

Do you have any idea how insane that is? If they were a corporation, that would be illegal and it would be impossible to fully understand the financial status of the company. It means that when the government orders tanks for say $3 mil, the transaction is not recordeded as a $3mil expense, the transaction is only what cash was paid up front, say the downpayment of $300,000. The rest is accounted for when it is paid. What's recorded is only what is paid, not the full expense of the tanks. So how do we know how much is really being spent on the war? WE DON'T!!!

It's like giving a teenager a credit card, allowing them to spend willy nilly, and having them record the costs of their expenses as only the minimum amount they pay on their credit card each month -- their actual cash outlay costs. Unbelievably irresponsible.

This in addition to the fact that the gov't is borrowing most of the money from the Chinese to pay for the damn war. What's the collateral? Will they own the country if we can't pay?

It's so important to understand the difference between cash flow and accrual based accounting.

Time for constraints

2008-12-08T11:46:00.000-08:00

At our last book club meeting we read Bel Canto by Ann Patchett. It was an absolutely beautiful, unexpected story. In researching Ann Patchett, the author, I came across another book she wrote called Truth & Beauty, about her friendship with Lucy Grealy, author of Autobiography of a Face, a memoir about Lucy's life in the aftermath of cancer surgery that removed a part of her jaw. Since I was so mesmerized by Bel Canto I decided to read these two books, starting with Lucy Grealy's memoir and then reading Ann Patchett's non-fiction book about their friendship. I finished them both in a few days.

There is much to say about these two books, about love & friendship between two women (how I miss my close friends!), about the emotional, intellectual play of two writers, and simply about the work of being a writer. The everyday nature of writing for Ann Patchett, the divine inspiration and frenzied struggle of writing for Lucy Grealy. The role they played for each other, mentoring, inspiring, and pushing each other.

In my work, I look for divine inspiration where I am swept up in the ectasy of writing and creating. That rarely happens. But that is what I keep wanting (reminsicent of my post on passion in one's work.) I am torn between just getting this master's done, and creating a work of inspired art. This desire to create art, I know, is false in so many ways. First of all, it is form of procrastination, but most clearly it is just wrong -- a masters in educational technology is not art. It is, as hickcity reminded me in his comment, a career move. This is what I have to remember -- and I just need to get it done. Ann Patchett I learned is the writer "ant", day by day she plugs away, and creates beauty in her words.

Whether or not I create truth and beauty in my work, what matters at this point, is just finishing. I cannot turn this into a Nicole Brossard essay. The one paper I never finished writing in my undergraduate career was a 20 page paper on Mauve Desert, a book by Nicole Brossard, a Quebecois, feminist, lesbian writer -- in translation from French -- of course. I tried to write that paper, make it insightful and amazing, only to realize that I had nothing left to say. With angst and time I wrote myself into silence; I can't let that happen here and now.

There was a part in Ann's description of Lucy where, in order to finish her memoir, Lucy had to have deadlines imposed upon her, and have noise and chaos in her life creating pressure to write. I think I have a little of that in me. Work, school and New York created the perfect context for me to work -- albeit unbalanced and unhealthy. Palo Alto is just the opposite -- very little pressure, no real deadlines. I need to create a pressures and deadlines for myself, which I've tried to do in the past by creating reading timelines. Those only partially worked as I didn't focus on the core of the work -- the content of the design.

Applying for for graduation in the spring will create the desired deadline-induced anxiety and stress. I think, also, I need to just write the thesis about my project, and then find a way to create my project. It's a little ass-backwards but it may get me out of this rut by writing the ending first. I also need to get rid of one last nagging requirement and get certified in Java -- another deadline and stress.

Also it helps to get back to the routine of writing in the mornings --before the brain has not been numbed by the minutiae of life. So I begin again. Wish me luck.

Reflections on the Journey

2008-12-04T13:11:00.000-08:00

Sitting in the sun back in Palo Alto and easing back into the unfinished masters & house renovations. To be honest, I never really thought about the masters or the house while traveling, I never got bored, never pined for my own bed, and came to the realization that the peak of civilization is a good, hot shower whenever you want. You can see some pictures from the travels by clicking this link to my Picasa web album site -- there is one set of photos for each country. Below is a pic that epitomizes each place for me.

Seville - life lived outside, warm and inviting. Narrow streets meant for walking, turning corners and suddenly seeing a doorway, an insight to another life.

Dubai - life lived inside. This is my favorite picture of the people in the mall viewing the people in the ski slope. None of the malls had windows onto the outside world -- what's there to see but other buildings and the dirty remains of a desert? And during the hot, hot summers windows become impractical. The ski slope is the Dubai we see on news reports -- this is the Dubai the emir wants us to know about. Not the crowded, congested Dubai where many live, or the endless apartments of Sharjah and Ajman. This picture of the ski slope reminds me of Second Life -- people standing around, unconnected to each other, watching and waiting for something to happen.

And then there is Paris -- romantic and cold (in all aspects of that word.) What more can I say? It was lovely to experience Paris with my partner, Peter as he re-experienced places of his youth, walking familiar streets, eating at familiar places. Unlike Dubai (which changed everyday) Paris was essentially the same as 20 years ago.

I'm at a loss of how to get this masters done.

Loss of momentum, loss of desire, and I question why I was doing this in the first place.

Journey - Part 1&2

2008-11-18T00:49:00.000-08:00

Finally a moment to write a post about the travels. Seville, Spain was fun. Saw a couple sites (pics coming as soon as I can find my camera cable!), but mostly walked the streets of the old town trying to find my way around and discovering amazing alleyways, roman ruins, and arab baths. I feel if I had just another couple days I could make sense of the maze of streets. Imagine the games you could play in that city! It would be so much fun because it is so no- grid.

Traveling in Spain with Renfe, the train service is easy, fast, efficient -- the best way to get city to city in Spain. Malaga, a coastal city where we caught our plane was more industrial and had a smaller old town, but with the most amazing fort town with roman ruins layered on phonecian, then layered again with moorish and christian. I could have spent hours making my way around the place.

Finally we arrived in Dubai, UAE where it took hours to rent a car and sort out the details. Driving in Dubai is both easy and maddening. It's a grid system with just a few main roads, but between the round-abouts, construction, and minimal signage, it is really easy to get lost. The locals are very helpful in giving directions, but the sense of what is near what is not so precise. Everything is opposite something else, whether or not that is where you are going. Do I care that the Regent hotel is opposite the shopping mall when were I want to get is somewhere else.

Dubai is Las Vegas on steriods, yes. I think though, Dubai is more like Second Life (SL), whatever you can imagine can be built. They are terraforming all the time here -- creating new islands in the ocean by dredging up the sea floor. Except in Dubai, you see the workers carting the dirt around on their heads, whereas in SL that part of building is conveniently hidden. You have the same sense of vast swaths of buildings without people. A little strange, these are my first impressions.

There are many Dubai's -- we went to Dubai for the wealthy last night -- the Atlantis hotel at the tip of the Palms (the terraformed island in the middle of the ocean lined with houses and hotels). It's a shopping mall meets aquarium meets New York style restaurants. Then there is the other Dubai, where about 40-50% of the people live -- less glitzy, less clean.

Off today to see older part of UAE -- Ajman (neighboring emirate), Deira (old Dubai), and will probably visit some souks (open markets). Will post pics hopefully soon.

Preparing for a Journey

2008-11-08T06:29:00.000-08:00

Recently I've been researching on how to combat jet lag - adjusting sleeping patterns, using melatonin and sunshine to reset your clock. It's pretty basic - start gradually adjusting as if you were in the time zone in which you will be traveling to - this is especially important if you are traveling west to east. So thus the reason I'm awake at 5am and writing this post at 6:30am on a Saturday (not that weekends mean anything anymore.)

Where, might you ask, am I going? Seville, Spain; Dubai, UAE; and Paris, France -- oh yes, topped off with Thanksgiving in Hyde Park, Chicago -- just down the block from our president-elect! (And yes, hickcity, we will ask the parents what they think of Obama now -- latest reports have been glowing.) My other half, who is currently snoring in bed, has conferences and business meetings in all these locations, and I get to be the spouse and come along for the ride. How cool is that?!? It will also be nice to get away from camping in this house (we are living in one room while the rest of the house in being renovated...kinda like being in a studio in my New York.)

Of course, this means I am focused on tons of last minute house stuff -- tile emergencies, lighting fixtures, interior paint choices -- it's endless. I've also been making sure we have hotels to stay in, researching what I'll be doing in these locations, and generally not focusing on the masters. Just as a side note, we'll actually be picking up tile in Spain and Paris and bringing it back to California. A little crazy. I'm sure we'll have fun at customs.

Back to the unfinished masters for a moment -- I've decided not to take my laptop as Pedro (the snoring one) will have his spanking new mac book pro. I will take all my data and most importantly, financial books so I can focus on the creating a series of increasingly complex contrasting cases for the first part of the instructional design. The plan is to work in the early mornings, then play. Anything will be better than my current situation where between dealing with more and more of the renovation, our lives within the renovation, and managing Pedro as he becomes increasing immersed in his startup -- leaves me with little emotional energy. Sometimes I wonder if I'm not becoming my mother, sans kids, always supporting the lives of others. Ouch.

There is this article that my former CEO mentioned to me once -- called the wives of the organization, which I still haven't read (A.S. Huff, "Wives--Of the Organization," paper presented at the Women and Work Conference, Arlington, Texas, May 11, 1990, is the closest reference I can find.) It's about how women take on the "wife" role in organizations, taking care of the needs of others, whether that be as administrative assistants or project managers or doing the non-paid work of organizing parties, baby showers, and other social events. I keep thinking of my own socialization and how deep it runs, how hard it is for me to break out of the mold of being a caregiver, no matter how hard I resist it or where I end up in an organization. Some of that is external, forced upon you, and some is internal, moving to what's known and comfortable. So much of my life has been spent resisting becoming my mother. Perhaps it's time to let go.

There is a book I need to find again about Buddhism called "When You're Falling, Dive" by Cheri Huber. Instead of resistance, simply accept, move on, and change from a place of acceptance. So much easier to do without all that energy going into resistance. A willful determination has taken me to where I am today (or as in the Adrienne Rich poem, "a wild patience has taken me thus far"). A determination, a desire to become more than the roles allotted to me by family and community. A desire to bankroll myself. And finally, this muddled desire that taken me to this masters. What was that desire? To become a designer of instruction, to get out of the "wife" roles I kept finding myself in. To use this masters to reset my identity. As Mike pointed out in the comments on the passion post, do I keep looking outside of myself to fulfill my desires? (And how does determination become desire... what is the difference? there's a letting go and diffusion of focus.)

I did this masters, and moved to New York for that 18 months, to literally and figuratively to find my own space. To get away from the distractions of Pedro, who is awake now, talking to his business partner on the cordless phone, at the top of his lungs, walking around the house, using the speaker phone. We have no doors at this point in the renovation. I did this masters to get away from Durham and a job that had become a rut. There's that word again - rut. Funny that, that's where I am now, in a rut with this masters. Aigh.

Ok, enough for this post. Perhaps resetting my clock is exactly what I need right now.

Emotion & Designing Learning

2008-10-30T16:09:00.000-07:00

In a recent article from the Learning Solutions magazine Paul Clothier interviews Carmen Taran (author of Better Beginnings) who talks about Edge and Emotion: What e-Learning Programs Are Missing. It's an easy read and interesting article. What struck me was the following quote from Carmen:

Too often designers do not have “chemistry” with the content. You have to feel something for what you arrange in pixels. Creating content that has edge and emotion is a bit like falling in love....At least some of the content needs to be part of you.

YES! YES! YES! You have to know & care about what you're trying to help people learn. I am reminded of work we did for a client around selling (back when I had a job, which I just resigned from today, on good terms, resolving a long leave of absence.) During one of the discovery interviews, one of the client's senior people said "you have to have a passion for your client's business, or else how can you excel at your work day after day?"

So yes, when we design learning, we have to have passion for what we are trying get people to understand, or else how do we expect people to learn about it? That means digging into the content, understanding the nuances of how you learn about it.

To play devil's advocate - what about SME's (subject matter experts)? Isn't that their role, to understand and be passionate about the content?

I am reminded of what John Bransford wrote about great teachers -- "effective teachers need pedagogical content knowledge (knowledge about how to teach in particular disciplines) rather than only knowledge of a particular subject matter." Their knowledge of how to teach interacts with their knowledge of the discipline, allowing them to understand what and how their students need to learn in that particular content area. "Expert teachers know the structure of their disciplines." Being an expert teacher in a discipline is not the same as being an expert or SME in that discipline. Yes, you have to know something about what you're teaching about, you have to be knowledgeable about the structure of the discipline, and you have to understand what will help people learn in this subject area.

It's true that corporate learning is not the same as teaching in schools, however, I would argue that the business of our organizations is the discipline. If I'm not passionate about finance and understanding how the world of money works, then what am I doing here? If I am not passionate about adult learning, then why do I write this blog everyday?

Is it possible to create effective learning if you don't care about the content of what you designing?

Distracted in Canada

2008-10-23T22:13:00.000-07:00

Flew up visit family in Surrey (south of Vancouver, BC, Canada) to get away from the renovations and to focus on writing some mini-cases for cash flow. Haven't picked up a book or posted since I left on Monday.

My plan was to work mornings and play afternoons. That's not working. It's hard to carve out time to work at all when you visit family. I was hoping for cold rain everyday, instead it's sunny.

I value the time spent in New York more than ever -- how valuable it was to have the gift to just focus on work, school and my relationship (on weekends) and not be distracted by other things. That's what I've wanted all my life and keep searching for: time spent silent, alone, uninterrupted. When I'm with others, especially when I visit here, I can't do that. It's not the way of my people -- it's not the way of me. So instead, I have to physically shut out the world by working late at night (as I am doing tonight and did when an undergrad) or physically distancing myself from distractions.

All this time I thought I needed the physical distance & silence to concentrate. I realize now that I need it in order to emotionally disengage from the world around me. To shut out the emotional need I hear from the people around me, to shut out noise that keeps pulling me away, to turn off the monkey brain, the chatter in the head. I've never been able to grow a thicker skin, so instead I create buffer zones.

Too much awareness, and not enough attention?

A Time for Telling: ID with Contrasting Cases

2008-10-19T21:33:00.000-07:00

Daniel Schwartz & John Bransford wrote an article in 1998 called A Time for Telling. In this article they "propose that analyzing contrasting cases can help learners generate the differentiated knowledge structures that enable them to understand a text deeply. Noticing the distinctions between contrasting cases creates a 'time for telling'; learners are prepared to be told the significance of the distinctions they have discovered."[1]

Schwartz went on with others to more fully develop this instructional design model into having groups of learners looking at a series of "tightly focused contrasting cases"; after each case the learners would create a model to explain the concept that was being taught. The different cases emphasized different aspects of a concept, forcing learners to adjust their models. As a class, they would compare models, and then receive a lecture about the concept they had just learned. Because they grappled with the material & concept on their own first, they were able to more deeply integrate the lecture with what they had just learned. This works well with novel concepts and knowledge domains.

In my first semester in graduate school we had to design instruction and we used a variation on the above model. We were teaching people how to use the subway system in New York City. The course consisted of a classroom portion and a experiential or video portion. In the classroom portion we had learners investigate and navigate "cases" of increasing complexity (using one subway line only, using the express, using multiple lines) in order to have them build their own mental model of the subway system. The experiential or video portion was designed to provide a mini-lecture on using on using the system, and to familiarize people with the affective part of riding the subway (noise, signage, using the machines, etc.) We actually tested out our design on a few people with pretty good results: the 2-3 actual novices we got felt less intimidated in using the system. They actually used the express first time out! (Note: it was challenging to find "novice" subway riders in NYC.)

Learning about the concept of contrasting cases, the thinking and research behind it, put a whole new perspective on instructional design. Up until then, I was familiar only with the ADDIE (Analyze, Design, Develop, Implment & Evaluate) model, and then only tangentially so. Schwartz & Bransford's research was easier to implement and more effective than the ADDIE model. The ADDIE model to me is too abstract. It is not concrete enough. It's not USEFUL enough. One should call it the ADDIE model because you progressively run out of energy, time and resources as you try to go through all the steps.

One of the cores of effective instruction is effective methods. Some people might characterize the research of Schwartz & Bransford as a method, but I think it is much more than that. It is about how we build knowledge by seeing differences, and how we create the courage to use that knowledge. It increases the probability of success -- isn't that we try to do when we design instruction? Prescribe how to design so we can increase the probability of success of our learners? (that's from Reigeluth, What is ID?)

Schwartz and Bransford's instructional design model invigorated me -- it gave me hope that I too, could design.

[1] Schwartz, Daniel L. and Bransford, John D. (1998) A Time for Telling. Cognition and Instruction. Vol. 16, No. 4, pp. 475-522.

What's this Master's about, anyways?

2008-10-17T11:44:00.000-07:00

Money falling from heaven?

There's a voice inside my head that keeps saying "Just do it!" (You can see him below, as a simple Flash animation sequence) He's right, it's time to answer the question...

My interest is in the intersection of games, business and education. Specifically, learning about accounting and finance, in particular cash flow. The big idea: design a game that demonstrates cash flow as a system, in particular a plumbing system. Yes, it's Joe the Plumber meets the cash flow of a company. Quick Joe, fix it! Before we run out of water! Sorry, a bit of a digression.

To gather my thoughts I created the slide presentation below to talk about my design process, how I came up with this idea, and why.

As I doing this, I realized a fundamental flaw in process. I started with the technology instead of the learning objectives. I jumped to the conclusion that I needed to create a game, and therefore I need to learn Flash to create this game. And therefore I need to learn Actionscript, right? As I was explaining this I realized I am making this very complicated.

This learning Flash soup-to-nuts...well, I'll never get my Masters done if I go down that rabbit hole. This is the constant struggle with this work, there's always another paper I feel I need to read, another technology that I need to learn. Yes, I want to do it all, but do I have to do it all right now? Is there an easier way to achieve the learning objectives that I want, create a game, but not necessarily one that is so dependent on learning Flash Actionscript 3. Time to take a step back and examine this from another perspective.

About the Flash files: Money Falling from Heaven: is modified version of the Animated Object exercise that I got from Gary Rosenzweig's Game Programming University. The 3 flash files in this post are respectively 2k ($ falling, actionscript only), 9k (animated flash), and 118k (slide show in flash - not the best use of the medium).

Structured Procrastination & Getting Help

2008-10-15T20:45:00.001-07:00

Here - this is why I am doing this blog...it's a form of structured procrastination (thanks mikeB for reminding me of procrastination in your comments. Also wanted to expand on "how a friend helped me."

Structured Procrastination
"The brainchild of Stanford University philosophy professor John Perry, structured procrastination involves doing small, low-priority tasks to build a sense of accomplishment and the energy to tackle more important jobs. Mr. Perry, a chronic procrastinator, suggests followers choose an important task, but defer work on it while tackling others. 'Don't be ashamed of self-manipulation,' he says." (quoted from WSJ article "How to Put Off Work--Constructively") Click above for his web site (yet another form of procrastination?)

Just so you know, I've been energized by doing this blog. I'm putting together ideas that have been floating around in my head, doing a PPT as a beginning of an outline (yes, I know, but for some reason, it's easier to organize my thoughts on PPT... a form of indoctrination perhaps?)

Helped by a friend One of the things that helped me get out of my rut was a friend who needed someone to practice her coaching on. I volunteered. We talked for a mere half-hour about identity, resistance (just touching on those subjects.) Then we made a plan together. Having someone to talk to about my masters helped break it down into manageable chunks. She's a great coach and I'm happy to recommend her. Just let me know. Thanks V.

Thanks for all the comments and support. It helps to know you're reading -- keep me accountable!

p.s. I think I will get the structured procrastinator t-shirt, later.

Months 2-7 (Mar-Sep '08) - an audit

2008-10-14T10:59:00.000-07:00

I feel that I need to do some accounting for myself -- accounting and audit being appropriate words for what my masters is about (I'll get to it soon, promise.) What have I been doing for the past 7 months?

Mar - Taking online cognition & learning course from TC. Paper due this month. More catching up on sleep. Started reading The Fifth Discipline by Peter Senge.
Apr - Renovations begins on the house. I leave for Vancouver to visit my family for 3 weeks and get away from the demolition. First time in 11 years that I've spent more than a week with them. (Parents got a new dog - Lucy!) Return at end of month. Coursework continues.

May - Family visits for a week. Term paper due. Finished course.
Jun - Mom has a sudden "opportunity" for knee replacement surgery. Back to Vancouver for 2 wks to help. Ended up dealing with own medical stuff when I returned (end of the fiscal year!) Finished reading the Fifth Discipline.
Jul - Work on the concept for the educational game design. Subject area: Accounting/Finance - read 2 books on Financial Accounting. Return visit to Vanc. mid-month to check on mom and make blueberry jam. Have to deal with fixing up house in NC which is starting to have problems after a year on the market.
Aug - Brother's family visits for first wk in August. Play tourist for a week. Read book on Cash Flow and flesh out game design. Broke tooth - no dental. Dealing with that. NC house stuff continues.
Sep - The moment of truth. To do what I want to do, I have to learn Flash - Actionscript. I have resisted being defined as a programmer, and thus learning programming because I wanted to be known as a designer. But since I've decided I'm working at the intersection of games, learning and business -- guess what? I'd better get over that identity crisis fast. A friend helps me figure out a way to be accountable for myself and others for getting my Masters done. I start reading Colin Moock - Actionscript 3 book.

I don't know how I managed to go to take 3 graduate courses a semester and hold down a job 4+ days a week for the 18 months before moving to the Bay Area. I can't imagine doing that again.

Time flies when your catching up on your unlived life.

Month 1: Waking up in Paradise

2008-10-13T19:57:00.000-07:00

(this was originally written as an email to friends Feb. 27, 2008)

Hey there.

It has been precisely one month since I left New York. One month. What you might ask, have I been doing with my time? It's a question I ask myself often, as the days have passed by, with no boundaries, no pressures. Well, I'm happy to report that my productivity have plummeted to an all time low, some days so low that it barely registers.

You see, I've had a month of Saturdays.

Not Sundays, Saturdays. Saturdays are the days when the weekend is still fresh and new, and you have a whole 2 days to get things done -- you know, all those things you didn't get done during the week cause you were working too hard. Organizing, sorting, cleaning and dreaming. Yes, dreaming. Saturdays, particularly Saturday mornings are the day that I dream. I've been catching up.

But first I had to sleep for 10 days, which was good since it rained. Did anyone tell you about the damp Northern Californian rain? And about how Californians don't heat their homes above 65 degrees? My husband is officially a Californian now because he kept insisting it perfectly fine.

I was a helluva lot warmer in New York cause at least New Yorkers have heat indoors (be grateful people!) Here I hovered on the edge of almost freezing for weeks. Everyone kept telling me I'd get used to it -- liars. I was very happy when my New York apartment stuff arrived with my woolen sweaters. Now, I'm warm.

So I slept, then I did those things you have do when you move: figuring out where things are, what things are, and what you need to do. And then, I got my drivers license. This is when I became a true Californian. No, it wasn't the 3 hours I spent at the DMV. Not it wasn't the thrill of getting my CA driver's license in the mail with my weight printed (imagine my surprise!)

I became a true Californian the day I went to get my driver's license -- and got a flat tire on 101.

So for those of you who don't know -- 101 is a completely hellish highway. Many narrow lanes, people either driving too fast or too slow. And then there is the debris. 101 is full of random debris. In my case, it was a complete tire and wheel rim in the middle of my lane. The car in front swerved, I tried to do the same, glanced in my mirrors, saw a truck in the other lane, decided to cut my swerve, hit the tire, got a flat. Welcome to CA.

While on the side of the 101 calling OnStar, the CHP (yes, chips!) arrived within 10 minutes. There were a total of 4 cars including myself sidelined by the damn tire. CHP escorted me off the highway as they were very concerned about my safety -- people on the side of the road often get hit from behind. I took their advice. (Yes I drove on my flat, didn't destroy my rims though.)

I didn't file a report, which ended up being a good because since the tire wasn't moving, apparently it would be my fault for hitting it, according to the officer. Please note that for future reference. If you're every asked, either the debris was moving or you can't remember. Thank you for the heads up CHPs.

And yes, the CHP officers were cute. Not like Erik Estrada though (if you have to ask, you're too young or you slept during your youth.)

Things are settling into a rhythm for now. I sit in the morning sun, reading, drinking tea, and trying to focus on completing the degree, which is hard to do when there are not demarcations in your day. But things are starting to happen.

A graduate school friend from NY came to visit during the Game Developers Conference last week and we went GDC-party-hopping in SanFran. She helped me remember the "why" of the degree.

We finally have a contractor now and the house renovations should begin once the rains have stopped. Life will get unsettled soon.

My mother is thrilled that I'm on the west coast and calls me everyday to ask about the weather, whether I've eaten and what my husband is up to. I'm usually drinking tea when she calls. Husband is hard at work on his next project -- details to remain undisclosed for now.

I miss New York sometimes (not the subway, my throat is *finally* back to normal.) It takes energy to get to New York and to stay living New York. You gotta keep moving to do that, and New Yorkers are full of zestful, frenzied energy. The energy of CA is different, more optimistic. It's about dreaming outwards. And here, the energy, the money and “can do it” attitude exists to make dreams happen. Durham, I miss less, but I haven't lived there in a while so it's that much further away. And no, haven't sold the house yet -- we're ever hopeful.

So I'm awake now and it feels good. I'm sending a few pics to help you imagine this laid-back life. We should all get a month of Saturdays at some point in our working lives.

I hope that you are all well, and I miss you. I shall write again, maybe in a month.

cheers,
..rani